Lonliness

As I watch her pack her luggage my eyes mist. She has been here 2 months, but it only feels like 2 days. I know when she boards that plane tomorrow I will be sick from the heaving sobs coming from my body. I can’t help it. I love her. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’M GONNA MISS MY MAMA!!!

The loneliness I feel when my Ma is 1,248 miles away is hard to describe. It hurts me to my very core. She is my best friend, and one of the reasons that I smile. No one understands why we are so close. Maybe it is because we grew up together. A 17-year old baby raising a baby…but we survived. And we are extremely close because of our circumstances.

She taught me to always believe in myself, and she pushed me to succeed. But most of all she loved me…and that love has helped me over many a hurdle in my 29 years. There is a line from a Tupac (I love that man) song that says “When your gone I feel a pain so strong deep in my chest,” that is what I am feeling now as I see her bags sitting by the door.

My eyes hurt from the tears; my heart feels empty because I am gonna miss her so much. She told me today, this to shall pass. And I know that in a few days it will get easier…but right now I’m trying to get through the loneliness.

Lovin' a Sista Big Bone

I want to talk about image for a minute. We live in a world where society, television, and print ads make us believe that there is this "perfect" size that we all should be, especially women.

Being Sista Big Bones is not just regulated to me. The average size woman in America is a size 14, not a size 2. I have only experienced racial discrimination because of the man I married. But, I have been discriminated time and time again, because of my size. The most blatant show of discrimination was during a job interview, where the skinny little peanut head white wafer heffa looked at me like I was some alien. She seemed shocked that they had enough fabric to cover my behind in a business suit. That really bothers me. No, I have not always been a "big girl". Yet, since I have crossed over into the world of plus sizes, I notice that people look at me differently. I can not just walk through the mall eating a Cinnabon or some ice cream without somebody looking at me like she knows she does not need to be eating that. Whateva...I love food...I got to eat...so what you think I'm fat...that is your problem. LOL

The misconception is that people believe that just because you are bigger than what they consider normal that you are unhealthy. But the fact is, some women are naturally big. No matter how many hours they spend in the gym, or how much rabbit food they consume. Some of us will never be a size 8. My aunt is a beautiful Amazon. She is 5' 11, she weighs about 215. She is not flabby, she is toned, but she is still a size 16. She works out daily, and is a vegan. It is just in her nature to be big. I am so cool with that. I love me some me. If you didn't know it I am the president of my own personal fan club. Dawnya is FABULOUS all the damn time. Unfortunately, not everyone has that level of self-esteem.

I want to hear what you think of plus sized women. I want to know if you feel that we are all just fat and sloppy and must not care about ourselves. Men, how many of you have, or will ever date a Sista Big Bones? Ladies, how many of you look at us with pity. Not knowing that we are not weak, miserable beings. Some of us will take your man in a heart beat...not me...I'm a good girl.

Please stop telling us...you have a pretty face for a big girl...or you dress really nice for a big girl. That shit is insulting!! We don't appreciate it...and it's not true. I'm pretty because I come from good genes...and I dress nice, because I like to look good...I make my clothes...they don't make me.

Recognize all Sista Big Bones as women...not as fat girls. We are sexy, alluring, and very intelligent. Let us into your world, and you will encounter the best friend, best lover, and all around greatest person to have on your team.

F.A.B.

Say you are having a wonderful day, and then it gets better. The day gets better when you run into an associate and start a great conversation. The conversation is good, the person is awesome, but then all of a sudden your conversation partner hits you with some F.A.B. -- Funky Ass Breath!!!

OMG...so I'm at work yesterday talking to one of the employees and then I start to look around because something is smelling like three day unwashed butt! I can't figure out what it is...then I give my attention back to the person and it hits me. It is his funky ass breath. I'm just too through, because no person should walk around with their breath smelling like that. I was like...dude I got to make a phone call. I had to get away from him so that I could breathe in some fresh air. Unfortunately, when you encounter a person with F.A.B. that bad the funk clings to your clothes. So I had to go buy a bottle of Febreeze to get the scent out of my clothes.

Alright..so finally that is over and I can breathe again. Then 2 hours later he calls me to the office to check him out for the evening and the damn office is lit up with that foul breath! People it was horrible!! I was crying...seriously. Then the sad part is he kept talking to me. All I'm thinking is that breath could be classified as a weapon of mass destruction. They just need to put him in a helicopter and have him breathe over Iraq and it will be a done deal. That is how bad it was.

So have you ever had a conversation and been assulted by F.A.B.--Funky Ass Breath? Share your story with me.

Until next time...keep brushing, flossing, and using mouthwash...don't hurt anybody with your breath.

Retail Management!

Oh my goodness!! Retail management ain't for the faint of heart. I wish somebody would have told me that before I took the dang job.

If you didn't know, i am now gainfully employed. Yeah...it's a great company, been in business for over 100 years. However they are working a sista like a hebrew slave! I swear they must think i have super powers the type of stuff they ask me to do.

Tonight (02/01) was my first night working solo...I had to close the store. Why did my store manager leave me with at least 108 things to do? I wanted to slap him...I'm thinking like dude...u got me fucked up. But of course all I said was....no problem. I am such a bootlicker right now.

At anyrate, my feet are on fire, and I'm sleepy. I just thought I would let you all know that a sista has been working. That is why I have been MIA.

Baby I'm Back!!!

Baby I'm Back!!! I know you missed me, and I promise never to stay away this long again.

Hey Fam!! Sista Big Bones has been busy! But I'm back, and I have a ton of interesting things to share. So stay tuned...

It's Hard Out Here for a Temp!

So I decided to take another temp position because I need to support my habit. I love to shop! Charles is pretty understanding, but I know he is thinking, "For someone without a job, she does a lot of shopping."

I only took the temp position because i was told that it was in Human Resources. I need all the HR experience I can get. Well I go to the job...and what do they have me doing? The want me to be a freaking file clerk. This is the same thing that happened on the last temp assignment I took.

Well I did not just spend the last 5 years of my life in school to become a file clerk. I know we all have to start somewhere, and I am wililng to work my way to the top. But there are just some jobs I will not do. Spending 8 hours filing papers is one of the jobs I have no intention of doing.

After two terrible temp assignments I have decided that temping is not for me. It is hard out here for a temp. So I'm just going to find a job the old fashioned way...beating the pavement.

Reflections

Happy New Year!!

With the arrival of the new year I thought I would take this time to reflect on a few things.

For me 2006 contained many milestones in my life. I never thought I would see the day that I would graduate from college. Yet, that day (May 11, 2006) did arrive, and it was one of the best days in my life. If only my Pop-Pop could have been there to see it. The month of August bought about the biggest change for me. I decided to pack up and move 1,248 miles away from home. It was the hardest thing I have every done, and I am still debating if it was the right thing. I never thought it would be so hard to walk away from the familiar into the unknown.

I figured out this year that my marriage is not perfect, nor will it ever be. However, I'm happy, and that is what matters.

I have encountered some great people in 2006. Some who I plan to know for a lifetime...others whose time has passed. I realized that I can't live the lives of my family for them. They have to make and deal with their own mistakes. I can not always bail them out of trouble...or solve every problem. Hell I got my own set of issues to deal with.

Overall, 2006 was not a bowl of cherries, but it wasn't the pits either.

I would like to take this time to thank each of you for your friendship. May you and your families be blessed in 2007.

My motto for 2007...THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!